on the edges
Written on Saturday morning…
Today is the first day of filming for a project which Jim first started thinking about around twenty years ago when him and Laura were living in New Orleans, surrounded by artists and other creatives. In Jim’s words, “everyone did something!”
For the film, he gathered together four artists. Steve to represent sound, Desiree movement, River words and Laura visual, influencing and responding to each other’s work. I'm writing this lying on my belly on some wooden decking by the water of Ocracoke Sound.
view of Ocracoke Sound from my belly-lying spot
This morning, just before we got started, I found myself in a strange position. I thought I was going to be 'on camera' with everyone else and would have this super cool documentary film to show people afterwards. I didn't tell many people about it as I wasn't sure about what it was and my role and didn't want to show that less happened than I talked about. It turns out, I’m glad about that choice.
Instead, there wasn't a role for me in the film in the way there was for the other four. Jim offered me to be a creative consultant. It felt like a made-up role for a child, given out of kindness but not given because it was actually needed.
Steve and I had the same idea separately, that I could draw/write in response to what they do over the 24-hour filming period. Which is what I've been doing. I have a nice khadi rag book. When something stands out in a conversation or that I see, I draw or write about it. I either write down what was said or about my own reactions to what was said.
This noticing of the THING which I am interested in is something I’ve been tuning into when coaching as well as working with groups. I also love painting/drawing in response to things I see/hear in public which stick in my mind. I don’t try and pay attention to everything, I let go of focus and wait to see what seems important. It might be something which seems incongruent in that situation/conversation, it might seem to have a different energy or it might not make sense to me. I probably find it interesting or funny.
Lurking outside, being on the edge, not being part of the group is quite a familiar place for me. I used to (and if I'm honest, still do) think I SHOULD be more involved. That it is lesser to be not in the middle. Less valuable. Plus, I like attention too!
But it has reminded me that this is my preferred place. I can feel so much freer on the edges with less expectations on me and I do not feel like I am performing/have the spotlight in the same way. I can notice how I am responding or fulfilling a particular role and have more choice in how I continue to take part. In general, in groups I prefer not to facilitate/lead but to observe and offer thoughts or things I notice. I prefer 1:1 situations or even being alone or just near/around people. I have found it useful to re-realise that today.
P.S - we’ll share more about the film later this year AND my visual journal in some shape or form!
